


West Wing Balloon War Fiasco, The

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-04-10
Updated: 2002-04-10
Packaged: 2019-05-15 01:49:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14781323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: No one is EVER supposed to talk to Josh about Donna.





	1. West Wing Balloon War Fiasco, The

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**The West Wing Balloon War Fiasco**

**by:** Ang Purschke

**Disclaimer:** His.

**Category:** Romance, Josh/Donna

**Spoilers:** The Woman of Qumar

**Rating:** YTEEN

**Author's Note:** I don't like what they did in TTB. I refuse to acknowledge it. I'm sticking to the easy stuff until I can figure out a way to deal with the pain. 

**Donna**

Josh is acting like a crazy person. 

He started a water balloon war in the West Wing. 

And blamed Amy Gardner. 

I take it back. He's not acting like a crazy person at all. 

He is one. 

Josh Lyman is a crazy person. 

**Josh**

Donna is acting very strangely. 

Not that she doesn't usually, but she's been acting even more strangely since I got back from Amy's office. 

Amy threw a water balloon at me. 

Seriously. 

What's the appeal supposed to be in getting soaked by a launched balloon filled with water? 

I've been conducting an experiment to discover the answer to this. 

My co-workers seem to agree with me. 

They don't like it either. 

So why did Amy throw a water balloon at me? 

**C.J.**

I am going to slaughter Joshua. 

I don't know why he's doing this; I don't particularly care. 

But if just one more water balloon gets thrown in the West Wing, I am going to slaughter him. 

Donna is right. 

Joshua Lyman has lost his mind and he's taking the rest of the staff with him. 

**Toby**

Josh Lyman is a dead man. 

He's distracted my entire staff. 

The State of the Union is in four days and the speech isn't done. 

My staff has entered into a water balloon war with the rest of the wing. 

Josh Lyman is a dead man. 

**Sam**

Toby is going to kill Josh. 

I'm sure of it. Of course, CJ might get to him first, so it may turn into a race. 

What I don't get is why he would so blatantly incur their wrath. 

He knows not to cross them, they scare everyone. 

What is he doing? 

**Leo**

The senior staff have lost their minds. 

And they're all blaming Josh. 

Josh is blaming Amy Gardner. 

Amy Gardner. 

This is going to stop. 

Soon. 


	2. West Wing Balloon War Fiasco, The 2

**The West Wing Balloon War Fiasco**

**by:** Ang Purschke

**Disclaimer:** His.

**Category:** Romance, Josh/Donna

**Spoilers:** The Woman of Qumar

**Rating:** YTEEN

**Author's Note:** I don't like what they did in TTB. I refuse to acknowledge it. I'm sticking to the easy stuff until I can figure out a way to deal with the pain. 

* * *

**Donna**

Leo is pissed at Josh. 

Again. 

But that's because he's blaming Amy Gardner for the water balloon thing. 

CJ and Toby want to kill Josh. 

I think Leo might let them. 

Not that I blame them. 

The water balloons have gotten way out of hand. 

Yet, in Josh's honest defense, he's gone insane. 

The whole 'blaming Amy Gardner' thing? 

He's serious about it. 

I keep trying to explain to CJ and Toby that at the very least we need to find out what she did to him that started this. 

I think they're almost convinced. 

* * *

**Josh**

Donna has a meeting with Amy. 

Why she has a meeting with the woman who attacked me is beyond my comprehension. 

Donna is meeting with Amy. 

Amy thinks I'm dating Donna. 

Actually, most of DC thinks I'm dating Donna. 

Apparently, it's not as much of a scandal as I've always thought it would be. 

I've always figured that my dating Donna would be a massive political scandal that would ruin Bartlett. 

Amy asked me twice if I was dating Donna. 

Then she asked me why I wasn't. 

I should have been able to come up with plenty of reasons for that. 

The only reason I could come up with is that Donna is my assistant. 

It's become apparent that that isn't actually a reason. 

Then she threw a water balloon at me. 

After, she just smiled at me. 

As if I actually knew why she had just soaked me. 

* * *

**C.J.**

If Amy Gardner does not explain the water balloons very quickly Joshua Lyman is a dead man. 

I have accompanied Donna to this office purely because really, Josh is important to the administration. 

Plus, I'm almost positive that this has something to do with Donna. 

Josh would not have done something so monumentally stupid in light of a conversation unless she mentioned Donna in some way that he wasn't prepared for. 

If she did speak to Josh about Donna, Amy and I are going to have a very pointed discussion about why she should not have done so. 

No one is supposed to talk to Josh about Donna. 

EVER. 

The only people who get away with it are myself, the President, Sam, and Joshua's own mother. 

Not even Abbey Bartlett talks to Josh about Donna. 

Everyone in DC knows not to talk to Josh about Donna. 

It confuses him. 

He does stupid things when he gets confused. 

Things like starting water balloon wars in the White House. 

* * *

**Toby**

Apparently Amy threw a water balloon at Josh. I don't care, but for some reason, CJ then proceeded to make Donna leave the room. 

Once Donna had left, CJ interrogated Amy about the entire conversation she had with Josh. 

When Amy mentioned that she inquired if he was dating anyone, CJ freaked out. 

Absolutely lost her mind. 

CJ tried to attack Amy Gardner. 

Needless to say, I held her back while she demanded to know if Amy mentioned Donna to Josh. 

No one is that stupid. Even I don't talk to Josh about Donna. Very few people are permitted to do so. 

I'm not one of them. 

Amy Gardner is definitely not one of them. 

She apparently doesn't know that because she admitted to asking Josh if he's dating Donna. 

Twice. 

CJ is going to slaughter Amy Gardner. 

* * *

**Sam**

Josh just told me that Amy asked him if he was dating Donna. 

How stupid is she? She's been in DC long enough to know not to do that. 

CJ is going to slaughter Amy Gardner. 

Especially if she started this water balloon thing on top of talking to Josh about Donna. 

I'm Josh's best friend, and I'm only allowed to talk to him about Donna if he comes to me first. 

CJ is going to slaughter Amy Gardner. 

* * *

**Leo**

I have just been informed that Josh wasn't lying. 

This really is Amy Gardner's fault. 

Not only did she throw a water balloon at him; she did so after asking him if he was dating Donna. 

Twice. 

CJ wants to slaughter Amy Gardner. 

I might just let her. 


	3. West Wing Balloon War Fiasco, The 3

**The West Wing Balloon War Fiasco**

**by:** Ang Purschke

**Disclaimer:** His.

**Category:** Romance, Josh/Donna

**Spoilers:** The Woman of Qumar

**Rating:** YTEEN

**Author's Note:** I don't like what they did in TTB. I refuse to acknowledge it. I'm sticking to the easy stuff until I can figure out a way to deal with the pain. 

* * *

**Donna**

Josh stopped throwing water balloons. I don't really understand why he started in the first place, but he stopped. 

Now he's just acting weird. 

He's avoiding me. 

Seriously, he hasn't bellowed in three hours. 

Three hours! 

I'm getting actual work done. 

I'm also starting to worry that he might be, you know, dead in his office, since so many members of the senior staff want to kill him. 

Then again, that seems to have waned. For some reason, they all seem to be gunning for Amy Gardner. 

That's right, they bought Josh's excuse. 

Hook, line, and sinker. 

He still hasn't bellowed. 

I wonder if I've been fired. 

* * *

**Josh**

I've been pondering my conversation with Amy. 

She told me that guys like me need to be hit over the head. 

Then she threw a water balloon at my feet. 

I know, I know, you think she threw it at my head and missed. 

You're wrong though. Amy Gardner was the captain of the girl's baseball team in college. 

She was aiming at my feet. 

Donna, on the other hand, hits me over the head regularly. 

Amy asked me if I'm dating Donna. 

See the connection? 

I should talk to Sam about this. Sam knows Amy; he'll understand what's going on. 

* * *

**CJ**

The balloon war stopped. 

I'm still going to kill Amy Gardner. 

She claims she's not afraid of me. She should be. 

She should be terrified. 

She caused this. It's her fault that Donna came to my office terrified that Josh is going to fire her. 

Damn Amy Gardner. She upset the balance. 

I have worked very hard to maintain the balance. 

Joey Lucas upset the balance once, by telling Josh that Donna liked him. 

Joey Lucas went back to California very, very quickly; funny how not a single one of her phone calls made it to Joshua's office. 

The only reason she came back is because she promised never to say Donna's name or speak in reference to Donna while within Josh's hearing radius again. 

She even signed a legally binding contract to that effect. 

So did Mandy Hampton after she dumped Josh by telling him he was in love with Donna. 

* * *

**Toby**

Two years ago when Mandy nearly convinced Josh he was in love with Donna CJ took her into her office and ripped her to shreds. 

I never found out what she said, but four days later, Mandy's resignation was on Josh's desk. 

Word of this leaked out, conveniently. It became known, hands down, that anyone who wanted to ask Josh about Donna had to first get by CJ. 

Don't get me wrong. CJ is very much in favour of Josh and Donna getting together. 

What she doesn't like are the really stupid things that Josh does when he gets confused. 

Things like water balloon wars in the West Wing. 

That's why so few people can talk to Josh about Donna. 

He gets confused. 

It's also why he has to go to them first. Josh has to realize he's in love with Donna in his own time, and in his own Josh way. 

Each of us on the senior staff has a very specific role to play. 

Sam explains patiently to Josh that he really is jealous of the men Donna dates. 

He then tells Josh to ask CJ, who listens calmly, tells him it really isn't a scandal, and recommends he ask his mother. 

Josh, after consulting with his mother, talks to Leo briefly and then is taken to the President, who gives his blessing. 

I make sure Donna remembers that Josh is basically a social moron and will continually stick his foot in his mouth. 

These roles are not to be over stepped. 

We signed contracts. 

Long, badly written contracts. 

I have been very busy since we got into office. 

The rest of the staff? That sequence has never made it past Sam. 

* * *

**Sam**

Josh thinks that Amy may have told him that Donna is in love with him. 

I'm not allowed to talk to Josh about that. 

So I asked him if Donna was dating anyone. 

He got quiet and told me she wasn't dating at all for the next little while. 

When I asked what was wrong, he told me to ask Ainsley. Apparently, Ainsley set Donna up on a problematic date, but that's all the information I got out of him. 

Needless to say, Josh was pissed all over again. 

I very calmly did exactly what any sane person would do under the circumstances when bound by a legal contract. 

I sent Josh to CJ. 

* * *

**Leo**

CJ wants Amy Gardner's career. I tried to explain that, being a feminist herself, she's supposed to support Amy. 

She doesn't care. She's convinced that Amy has influenced Josh to such an extent that it's time for her to leave DC. 

I agree. 

Josh is entirely too distracted, and Amy does need to be taught a lesson of some kind in order for her to realize that crossing us is just not a good idea. 

I casually mentioned that perhaps it was time to find a new, stronger voice for women's rights. 

Someone who has truly overcome adversity in order to rise up and show her strength. 

CJ agreed. 

The only problem is, we really need Joey here in the White House right now. 


	4. West Wing Balloon War Fiasco, The 4

**The West Wing Balloon War Fiasco**

**by:** Ang Purschke

**Disclaimer:** His.

**Category:** Romance, Josh/Donna

**Spoilers:** The Woman of Qumar

**Rating:** YTEEN

**Author's Note:** I don't like what they did in TTB. I refuse to acknowledge it. I'm sticking to the easy stuff until I can figure out a way to deal with the pain. 

* * *

**Donna**

Josh insists he's not planning on firing me. I'm not sure I believe him. 

See, he had this long talk with Sam, and now he's talking to CJ, who just left Leo's office. 

I mean, yeah, CJ was sure he had no intention of firing me, and she assured me of this as she ushered me to Toby's office. 

I like talking to Toby. He's always so supportive, and really helps make sure that I remember Josh tends to be an idiot. 

I guess I could believe him, because Josh mussed my hair as he went from Sam to CJ's office. 

Which means he's finally, finally, starting to forgive me for Cliff. He even smiled. 

I missed Josh's smile. 

I think he's even getting past whatever Amy did to him. 

I mean, really, who throws a water balloon from two stories up at a man who was violently shot? 

Granted, Amy never saw how Josh reacted mentally to the shooting, and it was never highly publicized, but come on, who really does that? 

I would never do that. 

Then again, I'm in love with Josh, so I suppose I'm just a little biased. 

But seriously, she could have triggered a PTSD episode. 

Oh God. 

What if that's what happened? 

What if that's what the balloon thing was and I missed it? 

The last one nearly killed him. 

I swear to God, if she did, no power on this earth will be able to protect her. I will slowly destroy her career before physically tearing each and every limb from her body. 

CJ has nothing on me. 

If Amy hurt Josh, I'll slaughter her myself. 

* * *

**Josh**

CJ won't answer me. 

I asked her if she thought Donna is in love with me, and she won't answer me. 

See, I've been thinking about what Amy said. 

The hitting over the head thing I mean. 

I mean, realistically, there could be two reasons for a person to hit another over the head, well, three if you count `because I felt like it'. But seriously, two reasons. 

The first is to make the person (that's me) realize something that they're thinking subconsciously. 

If this is the case, fine. It's made me realize that I'm in love with Donna. 

The second reason is quite parallel to the first. To make a person (again, me, since hey, I'm the one getting hit by folders) notice something they've been too blind to see. 

This is the reason I've been explaining to CJ. That Donna is in love with me and I just didn't notice it before. 

Either way, really, Donna is in love with me. I mean, why would she want me to realize I'm in love with her unless she's in love with me, right? 

I'm in love with Donna. 

CJ says it's not really a scandal, but she wouldn't tell me why. 

Deputy Chief of Staff of the United States of America dates Assistant. 

Doesn't sound good to me, but again, CJ won't tell me why it's not a big deal. 

She also won't tell me if she thinks Donna is in love with me. 

She told me to ask my mother. 

I did, and my mother agreed with me. 

Donna is in love with me. 

I'm in love with Donna. 

It's a good day. 

* * *

**CJ**

When I set up the sequence, I really didn't think that once it bypassed Sam it would go quite this quickly. 

I also had no idea that Amy Gardner was such a complete moron. 

Leo won't let me strategically remove her from her position and replace her with Joey Lucas. 

Something about Joey being the most reliable pollster we've got. 

I am however allowed to sit down with Amy and bring her into line. 

Not that it's going to help us with re-election. 

Forget the fact that we have to face a grand jury, the average American is not going to get that Josh and Donna are really in love unless I have time to build it up. 

The whole point of `no one talks to Josh about Donna' was to make sure I had a decent amount of time to build it up. After re-election. 

When Joey mentioned to Josh that she thought Donna might like him, it was easily sidestepped. Joey said like. Josh was able to rationalize this to friendship. Therefore, Joey was simply sent back to California and all her calls were re-directed to my office. 

Never let it be said that working in the White House doesn't come with nice little perks such as a well-organized switchboard operator. 

Mandy was another story. Mandy broke up with Josh because she was convinced that Josh was in love with Donna. 

I'm not saying she wasn't right. She was then, and still is now. 

Mandy did not leave DC because she thought Josh was in love with Donna. 

She left because she chose to share this information with Josh. 

She got a job as a consultant, and promised under the terms of a carefully worded contract not to return to DC until I gave her permission to do so. 

Josh was confused by Mandy's statements, but was able to dismiss them, since it was Mandy, and he knew she was a little crazy. 

Amy, well, she was vague. Vagueness confuses Josh. This is a problem, because when Josh is confused, he first does something incredibly stupid, then he TRIES TO FIGURE THINGS OUT. 

* * *

**Toby**

Four hours ago, the water balloons stopped flying around the West Wing. 

Three hours ago, CJ's precious sequence had never made it past Sam. 

Three hours ago, I thought CJ's sequence was insane. 

Then Josh started to think. Apparently, the water balloons distracted him from doing this earlier. 

I wonder why. 

Now Josh has flown through a talk with CJ and his mother agreed with him. 

Josh is in with the President. 

Donna is in my office again; worried she's going to get fired. 

No, not because Josh is angry. She realizes he's not. 

Donna is worried that Josh has had another PTSD episode. 

Actually, she's convinced of it, and she's sure Amy caused it. 

Donna's descriptions of the many ways she plans to slaughter Amy are scarier than CJ's. Some of them even go beyond destroying her career into physical harm. 

Josh should really talk to Donna soon, before Amy starts receiving not-so-anonymous death threats. 

I convinced Donna to wait for Josh in his office. 

If he wrecks this, I'll kill him. 

* * *

**Sam**

The President called us in to tell us Josh's decision. He's going for it. I don't know if it's smart, but if the question comes, we're answering it. 

CJ decided to let Amy be until after the election, mostly because Leo told her to stay away from her until then. When we win, she's going to hand Amy's job to Joey Lucas on a silver platter. 

If we don't win, I really think she'll just take the job herself. 

According to Toby, Donna would not approve of this plan. 

See, apparently Donna thinks this was a PTSD thing for Josh. 

CJ wants to destroy Amy's career. 

If Josh can't convince her that it wasn't a PTSD episode, Donna will destroy Amy. 

* * *

**Leo**

Josh is finally going to tell Donna he's in love with her. He was initially worried about the image it would portray. 

I explained that by contract, she has never really worked for him while we've been in the White House. 

She works for me. I just lend her to him because I don't really need two assistants.

I then explained that if he wrecks this, I might just realize that I do need two assistants. 

Then I sent him to Jed. 

Now, we're all gathered in the Oval Office waiting to find out what happened when they talked. 

There's nothing more we can do. 


	5. West Wing Balloon War Fiasco, The 5

**The West Wing Balloon War Fiasco**

**by:** Ang Purschke

**Disclaimer:** His.

**Category:** Romance, Josh/Donna

**Spoilers:** The Woman of Qumar

**Rating:** YTEEN

**Author's Note:** I don't like what they did in TTB. I refuse to acknowledge it. I'm sticking to the easy stuff until I can figure out a way to deal with the pain. 

* * *

**Donna**

I swear to God, if Amy Gardner caused Josh to have a PTSD episode this early into re-election I will shave her head and burn her precious flippy hair. 

I know he's all 'ensorcelled' with her, but God as my witness if she hurt him she'll pay. 

And yes, I am scarier than CJ. I turn to the door as Josh walks into his office. 

"Hey." He says softly. 

"Hey." I pause. "Are you okay Josh?" 

"Yeah. I'm sorry about the balloons." He smiles, and leans against his desk in front of me. 

"That's not what I was asking." 

"I know. Donna, really, I'm fine." 

"Should I call Stanley?" 

He reaches towards me and takes my hand, placing it over his heart. "Donna, I'm okay. The water balloon didn't bother me as much as it seemed. I was confused by something Amy said and was trying to avoid it." 

I knew she did something to him. I'll kill her. "You're sure?" I press. 

"Yeah." He pulls me out of his chair and into a tight hug. "I'm sorry I scared you." 

I can feel his heart pounding against my chest. Thank God. I guess Amy can live. He's okay. He's going to be okay. "Remind me to tell Toby and Sam that you're okay." 

He pulls back a bit, looking me in the eyes. "Why?" 

I scrunch my face. "I may have made some not-so-subtle threats against Amy if you weren't okay." I murmur. 

"You got protective?" he asks with a twinkle in his eyes. 

"Not so much got protective of you as threatened to maim her and ruin her career. Which I think CJ plans on doing anyway, but Toby and Sam seemed a little freaked out by some of my more colourful ideas." 

"I think I'm flattered." He said, resting his arms on my shoulders. "Does this mean I get coffee?" 

"Are you getting fired?" I raise an eyebrow. 

"I always thought I would. Apparently I was wrong." 

* * *

**Josh**

"You've considered starting water balloon wars in the West Wing before?" she asks incredulously. 

Okay, that wasn't what I was talking about. "No, I've considered telling you I'm in love with you before." 

Her eyes lock with mine instantly. "What did you just say?" she whispers. 

"I'm in love with you." I tell her again. 

"Are you sure?" 

"Am I a democrat?" 

She smiles to her eyes. "I never ever thought I was going to hear you say that." 

I twist her hair lightly in my hands. "Donna?" I ask carefully, placing my forehead on hers. 

"Yes Josh, I'm in love with you. Completely, insanely, head-over-heels in love." She says softly. 

"Good." I touch my lips to hers gently and smile. "I've been wanting to do that for as long as I can remember." 

"Somehow I think you probably had grander plans than that." She replies with a small smile. 

"I was going to woo you." 

"Woo me?" 

"You don't think I can woo?" 

"Josh, I know you can't woo." 

"Watch me." 

"Okay Josh, you can woo me." 

"That's what I thought." I pause. "Please remember that in saying what I'm about to say, it in no way should be taken as an indication that I don't want to stand here holding you for, well the rest of eternity comes to mind." 

"We have to go to the Oval don't we?" 

"They're waiting." 

She grins a little impishly as she pulls me closer until her lips are next to my left ear. "They can wait longer." She whispers, then pulls back and captures my lips in a tender kiss. 

Its a few minutes later when we break apart slightly. "Okay." I say, and pull her back to me for another kiss. 


End file.
